21 questions to ask about your life on the internet

The internet has become a primary lens through which we see the world – and even, ourselves. It shapes everything from our politics to our posture, and yet, it’s still new territory that we’re all pretty much navigating in the dark. The future is sure to bring mountains of game-changing data, government regulation, internet self-help gurus, cigarette-style warning labels, and perhaps a “Vogue’s Book of Internet Etiquette.” But for now we’re on our own – so a solid yearly check-in (at the very least) is a very good call.

We wrote this list of questions as a thought & conversation-starter – a tool to help you sort through your internet habits and let go of whatever’s not serving you. You can use this in a number of different ways. If you’re feeling self-reflective – journal your way through the whole list. If not, just answer a handful of questions that jump out at you – or simply give these questions some thought over coffee. Even better, get together with friends and answer them as a group. Because one thing we’ve learned in starting this platform is that there are a lot of things people haven’t figured out how to talk about on the internet yet – or maybe, it’s that there are certain things we’ll never want to talk about on the internet. Time will tell. But for now, take this as an opportunity for a little offline connection and reflection.

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1. Why are you on social media?

i.e. to connect with others? To explore a subject you’re passionate about? To promote a business? Entertainment? Work? Fomo? Loneliness? From the surface to the subconscious – list every reason you can think of. Is there one big reason that sticks out from the rest?

2. Describe your current relationship with the internet as if you were talking to your closest friend about a romantic partner.

i.e. how do you feel about the relationship? How would you describe your partner? How do they make you feel when you’re together? And apart? Do you like who you are when you’re around them? Does your friend approve?

3. If your choice social media platform shut down tomorrow, how would that affect your life?

i.e. How would you feel? What would you do with that time? Would your livelihood go with it?

4. Approximately how much time do you spend each week on a screen? How do you feel about that estimate?

If you’d like to spend less time, what’s one concrete way that you could implement that change?

5. What parts of yourself come across on social media? What parts of yourself don’t come across on social media?

How does that make you feel about your life on the internet? How does that affect your sense of self? 

6. What’s the one account that you most enjoyed following this year, and why?

7. What’s one account that you unfollowed this year, and how did that improve your life?

8. Are there any differences in the way you present yourself online vs. off? If so, how does that serve you? How does it not serve you?

i.e. you only present your professional side or your goofy side, or you only post pictures when you’re totally put-together or photos that have gone through FaceTune…

9. Are there any differences in the way you communicate with people online vs. off?

i.e. are you more complimentary? More confident? More confrontational? Have you ever commented or messaged someone in a way that you would not speak to them face-to-face?

10. Is there something you’ve been wanting to share on the internet, but haven’t? If so, why not?

11. Are there any internet habits you’re hoping to break this year? If so, why?

12. What kind of person do you hope to be when you go out into the world every day? How does the internet help you show up as that person? How does it get in the way?

13. When you think about the time you spent online this year, can you think of anything you would have rather done with that time? Explain.

14. Is there anyone you’ve been wanting to connect with? What is stopping you from reaching out?

15. Did you ever feel that your digital boundaries were crossed this year? Did you assert any new digital boundaries? If so, how did that go?

i.e. after-hours emails from a boss or coworker? Excessive text messages from a friend looking for an immediate response? Emotionally-abusive texts from a family member? Someone you had to block on social media?

16. Describe one experience where social media helped you connect to another person, or the world around you, in a meaningful way.

17. Can you think of a conversation that should have happened in person or over the phone, but for some unconscious reason happened over text or email instead? How did that affect the interaction?

On that note, what do you think should be communicated online vs. off?

18. What’s one thing you bought online this year that genuinely made your life better (and that you’ll keep for a long time)? What’s one thing you bought impulsively, and regret?

Were there any differences in the way you went about those purchases?

19. What do you think women on the internet would benefit from seeing less of? Why?

Or consider the question differently – if you are a woman on the internet, what would *you* benefit from seeing less of? Is there any way to make that happen?

20. When you consider your participation with content on the internet this year – i.e. articles read, posts commented on, accounts followed – did the positive interactions outweigh the negative? Or vice versa? How do you think this consumption affected your life offline?  

21. If you could change one thing about the internet, what would it be?

Is there any way for you to embody that change?

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To get the conversation started, we asked women in our community to answer these questions with us. Listen here for what they had to say about their life on the internet this year in this special podcast episode.