On the power of hobbies

If you've spent time online or consuming media at large, it's impossible to ignore that women are policed at every level. Everyone has something to say about how we live, from the obviously harmful offenders of beauty standards to the quietly destructive ones like criticizing our speech and interests. Unfortunately, we often unintentionally perpetuate this by internalizing what we think we should be doing or, worse, not doing something because we believe it'll reflect poorly on us. Trends, icks, cringe, and everything in between, if women are interested in it, someone has an opinion about it. For me, the past few years have been an ongoing practice of unlearning. Recognizing that opinions don't matter because nothing really matters. Not in a nihilistic way but in a rather liberating way. Because when everything is cringe, nothing is cringe. So do what you want. 

Earlier this year, I began horseback riding. I live in a small coastal art town an hour east of London. Margate, in the "garden of England," is surrounded by green pastures dappled with horses. I ride on a beautiful brown Welsh horse named Luke twice a week with a group of 12-year-old girls, and I'm obsessed. I remember in elementary school a quiet girl named Christine. She always kept to herself and had long, light brown hair. The only other thing I remember about her is that she loved horses. She would pretend to ride during recess, galloping around the playground and neighing. The other kids made fun of her, thinking she was weird or "lame." I wish I could say that I intervened as a peer and stood up against bullying, but I was a bystander then. As my obsession with horses grows now, I feel bittersweet about Christine. I feel wretched and disappointed I never did anything, but I'm warmed to think that she found something she loved and never let anyone stop her from enjoying it. A lesson that took me much longer to learn.

Connecting to my hobbies has brought a lightness to my existence too. It's helped me recognize and dismantle all the internalized capitalism I'd harbored over the years. We operate in a society that rewards production and punishes rest. Worst, we think that we have to earn our rest. We feel good when we're productive, working towards something, and guilty when we aren't. We place value on doing things versus doing something because it is intrinsically valuable. We turn interests and the things we enjoy into jobs and side hustles and commodify every aspect of our lives into a personal brand. All of this is a monstrous consequence of capitalism and women are historically marketed to more than any other demographic. In a 2019 Forbes article, it found that 94% of women between the ages of 15-35 spend over an hour per day shopping online. We’re constantly inundated with pressures to consume and now to create content on what we consume. I'm not immune to it and understand that many hobbies cannot operate outside of a capitalist system, but seeing that the inherent value of something is not what you get from it but the act and enjoyment itself has changed my relationship with things for the better.

By definition, a hobby is any activity done regularly for leisure. It can take shape in any form, from reading to playing video games to learning how to do a full beat. Whatever form your hobby may take, receive it enthusiastically and wholeheartedly, and don't try to turn it into something. Too often, I've seen how turning a hobby into something more, into something profitable or productive, has ruined it. What once was done for fun out of excitement and pleasure becomes a chore out of resentment. We're already inundated with everything we have to do, that we should protect the few things we simply want to do. Most importantly, don't let the opinions of others deter you from doing what you truly enjoy, no matter the optics.

If you're struggling to discover a hobby and break out of the production cycle, here are a few easy steps that helped me:

1. Pause to think about what you're doing and why. In as many instances as possible, ask yourself if what you're doing aligns with your values. Are you doing something because it is productive or it's deemed cool and trending on social, or are you doing something because you enjoy it? Ford recently wrote a great piece on the performative nature of things and now more than ever, it’s important to consider those implications.

2. Embrace rest. Do nothing for 30 minutes, an hour, a day, a week, however long you can, and do nothing often. See what thoughts come to you during this time and where they lead.

3. Practice empathy and kindness towards yourself. Part of embracing rest is recognizing that needing rest is not bad. Resting is not being lazy or unmotivated. Rest is important. Rest is necessary. It is a form of self-care.

4. Practice empathy and kindness towards others. Learning how to let go of other people's opinions means letting go of judgment toward others too. Have you ever caught yourself judging a friend for not hustling hard enough? Or judging a stranger for what they're sharing on social media? 

5. Ask, engage, and encourage people about their hobbies. I love going to art galleries and watching movies. My job is not inherently visual, but I have a lot of opinions about visual media, and I love to talk about how it inspires and affects me. People's hobbies are an incredible way to get to know someone and connect you with a larger community. 

6. Don't limit yourself. Think of things in abundance, including the number of hobbies you can pick up and explore. You don't have to stick with it forever, but as the adage goes, you never know until you try.

7. Be present. Whatever it is you’re doing, enjoy it. Take a few long breaths to appreciate it in the moment without expectation for an outcome or result.